Anam Cara came from humble beginnings. A small group of women who, following a Barretstown bereavement camp saw it helped to talk to each other and decided to meet in the Clarion Hotel Liffey Valley one Saturday a month.
We recognised that, with our grief so raw and all-encompassing, control on our time together was important so we could cope with the emotion involved in our support of one another. Venue and day were agreed with time settled as 11am to 1pm and we kept strictly to our time.
Each of us on our own individual journey of grief, with that raw pain etched on our faces, came to meet and talk with stories of our children. Initially that’s what it was, the journey of our children’s illness to their recent deaths spoken with lots of tears but gradually we realised we simply “got one another”. We didn’t have to explain what it was like, or hold back on the worst of our feelings, together we really understood.
We held and listened to one another, dovetailing in and out to where the support was needed. We can’t underestimate the power of being with another bereaved parent who understands.
We allowed that space to open up to where we could tell our story, or not if one chose, cry, and yes at times laugh, talk about the impact of our loss, on our lives, and our families, and all without judgement or fear of upsetting others.
On reflection that was when we sowed the seed of Anam Cara. We were each other’s soul friends, those who understood; we were each other’s volunteer bereaved parent. The cornerstone of Anam Cara was set. We weren’t alone. We knew how lost we were on our own and the difference it had made to meet others who could truly empathise. So, we wanted to grow. We wanted to extend this to more parent. And we did from the smallest of beginnings; initial committee meeting minutes showed attendances of three growing to a full committee complement of six.
With a new purpose, and a way to give our children a wonderful legacy, we pushed on. We got huge validation from our first ever donation in the form of €1,200 from the Irish Hospice Foundation. We were elated to grow successfully to three groups (northside and southside Dublin, and one in Cork). Such growth also saw us introduce the professionals as a valued addition to our groups and to support our organisation.
Now Anam Cara has a strong network running the length and breadth of our country, including Northern Ireland, with our Volunteer Parents sitting at the heart of the organisation. That peer-to-peer support is the very essence of Anam Cara and is key to what makes us who we are and unique for Irish bereaved parents. It is important that this peer-to-peer element is protected for Anam Cara as we continue to grow and adapt.
We always need to prioritise nourishing and supporting our team of volunteer parents and to finding new ways to encourage new parents to come forward to facilitate that peer-to-peer objective. This will ensure that in line with Anam Cara’s humble beginnings the bereaved parent will always remain the cornerstone of Anam Cara.
Recently I was asked where we got the strength to come together and form the initial group. I thought about it and realised that it’s the “unseen”. When parents come together to support each other at an Anam Cara event, it’s our sons and daughters that connect us. From them we have harnessed a wisdom we would rather not have gained, courage we had no choice but to cling on, most importantly empathy which the loss of our children has taught us, and now, when a volunteer parent hand reaches out to the newly bereaved parent, the raw grief ‘etched’ on their face, understanding.
They know we “get it” because we were there too and we give hope to that parent they too will survive the worst loss of all, that of their child.
